"It's not even trendy to be married."

Aside from seeing friends I hadn't seen in months, the party was lame. We stayed because I was waiting to see if a certain young man would show up, so I could give him cigars. J wasn't nice; he can be quite a fucker when he doesn't like the crowd.

Some boy who once had a crush on me told me how getting engaged at my age was so conservative. I'm from Chicago and kids out there, even they don't get married young. I laughed. Although I grew up in a rigidly traditional Cambodian Baptist family, getting engaged wasn't a matter of conservative desire. It wasn't about my family, God or even tax benefits. If it was, I wouldn't have been disowned.




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