outwait outrun outwit


an archive of pleasures, wounds, sublimations
& other curiosities :: profile


VIRGO: Avoid grandiose schemes aimed at unreasonable expectations. Instead, stay practical. Also, trust your inner guidance and follow that advice. You know what's possible and what isn't.


Soon, Paris.

A labyrinth of the sounds, fictions, histories, and images that I have acquired over the years. No cathedrals nor hush! stoic museums for me. Instead, a city of shadows: philosophers Bergson and Barthes; expatriates Stein and Hemingway; to-remain-nameless refugees from Indochine (I frown over this phrase: to-remain-nameless. Careless again, despite Linda Le's caustic, lyrical novel Slander, the ghosts at my parents' table, the letters from a cousin lamenting daughters and sons lost in Killing Fields.); paraded shaven-pated collaborators, so condemned for fatal romances with Nazi officers; North African immigrants; the Fascists, their upper arms emblazoned with a flame-crowned national flag (Michelle says, Stay away from them. In Paris, they won't abstain from beating women. ); Dora Bruder, a young Jewish girl fleeing from the Vichy police; Pol Pot, planning Year Zero in a cafe, ...


Last few days? one goodbye party, peaches and cinnamon swirl french toast, packing and unpacking (pink fishnets? b/w film? brown boots?), rehearsing my French (my favorite words? les pommes, la cochinella, les poussins), collecting addresses, finding a new paper journal, one to record fragile, tender, delicate transient moments, before they would dissipate like a dream one tries to remember, only to fail, miserably.


I will miss you. I will miss together, a tiny damp hot silver-lit world. I will miss your lips pressing warm and fleeting against my forehead. I will miss your sleep-dusty voice trailing slowly, thoughtfully, over my skin. I will miss sharing secrets with you.


Gone, until the 19th of August. Off to Paris, new adventures as a stranger in a strange land, the beginning (or consummation?) of a speculative and uneasy romance.


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