My skin prickles. Everything feels too alive, under my scalp, the layers of tissue and muscle composing my cheek, the pupils under contacts worn too long. I am not taking care of myself these days. I try, though, at times. Yoga, drink water, take vitamin D, yogurt at breakfast. Remind myself to eat a vegetable, and not to view food as an encumbrance. Still, I smoke throughout the day. Catch myself clenching my jaw. Avoid walking the dog, and feel guilty afterwards, and then walk the dog, but with a savage reluctance, the feet taking longer to move up and onwards. I'm Sisyphus, already dreading the moment the boulder rolls down the hill.