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TALES OF AN ORANGEPEELER

an archive of pleasures, wounds, sublimations
& other curiosities :: profile


08.02.22

Today was the pits. My friend/co-collaborator and I had intended to send an email expressing dissent regarding a curator's decision regarding the promotion of an art project. The friend backtracked, but I still sent an email, because the curator's decision was against my principles, even the premise of the exhibition. I explained the situation to another friend, and she said what I already knew: She betrayed you. What can I do after this? How can I look at her, knowing this? I mean, I understand my friend had more at stake. Still, if I was in her shoes, would I do the same thing? No, because I'm not that person.

However I am the kind of person to burn bridges. Pour gas and scratch a match with nary a glance cast back as I walk away. I can't stand betrayal. Let's blame the stars: my militant and maybe reckless Aries ascendant, my Jupiter, moon, and Mars all cuddled up in Cancer, all feeling on steroids, so needy for security. My Virgo sun, yearning for tidiness and order, a sense of rightness to all areas of life, even as life is complicated, more nuanced than that. Still, there's my love, so much love, despite all my disappointment.

//

Partly because of this whole matter, I am also thinking, or suspecting, that I will never really get anywhere, although I don't know what "anywhere" means really, at this point. What I mean, maybe, is that I will never understand the game that we're meant to play. I find that often the game is rigged, or stupid, or contains obscure rules I just don't get. And so very often, I refuse to play, which is probably childish and very foolish of me. I just don't get it, and I don't think I ever will, and so I will go on, feeling very detached from this life, and it vexes me not a little bit.




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