The whole country’s nerves are shot. Last night the Department of Health’s covid advisory board recommended total lockdown, basically closing every shop except those providing essential services and goods and limiting movement to a 5 km radius for essential trips and exercise only. Our beleaguered and underfunded health system (hi, neoliberalism!) has too few hospital beds. On my evening walk I encountered Igor and his two dogs. He said Croatia, his home country, was in the same situation: "They had no infections, and then decided to open up for tourism in the summer, because the people want money, and now BOOM!"

Last night we had what was likely our last drink in the pub, doomscrolling and reading news updates. The mother-in-law had a breakdown, about everything and Tommy. Only last month we were putting feelers out, like the wild strawberry plants at my friend’s art exhibition, sending runners into neighbour’s pots, exploring and connecting and establishing new roots. Travel, book clubs, art exhibitions, yoga classes, meals out, tennis, etc., all possibly suspended by midnight. Now I’m just unable to focus, and my first impulse in the morning is to walk the dog, walk it all the fuck out.

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